Therefore, I Do
by Aconite and Nightshade
Summary: Remus is summoned to see his once very good friend Severus by Albus - but for the reason, Remus has no idea.  Takes place during the Half Blood Prince, and might explain why Remus is so quick to defend Severus!


**Therefore, I Do.**

_One aspect is AU. Written for my Remus. _

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><p>He had not been back to Hogwarts for several months now - in fact, it was bordering on three years. The castle that he had once called his home had become a place of banishment - he could never return there for fear of expulsion or exposition. He was hated there - a creature for others to loath and despise. But he was also clutching a letter, on folded parchment. A letter from Albus Dumbledore, quite simply begging him to return for one night.<p>

_He really needs you - otherwise I fear I will lose him. Please, my old friend, do this one last thing for me._

The words on the parchment were unfamiliar to him, despite how well he knew the handwriting. It was the very nature of the request - the person it involved - the time it had arrived in 12 Grimmauld Place. The entire situation bemused and confused him, and was the reason why he was crossing the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts School and heading for the passageway to the dungeons. He did not quite know what he would find. He had a feeling it was urgent. But why was this something Albus could not deal with? Why was this something Albus could not sort and solve, as he always did? They were the closest of confidantes, after all.

He raised his fist and knocked lightly on the door. He wasn't actually expecting a response - but when he received a snarl of - "Piss off, Dumbledore" - he knew there had to be something very wrong. He leaned against the door frame. "Guess again, Severus."

There was a long pause after that. He knew the reasons why. He had not seen Severus since the beginning of the school year, when the other had been rather abrupt at an Order of the Phoenix meeting, had snapped at Albus, and then had refused to attend any others since then. He had not been able to look him in the eye.

"Lupin." That was his customary greeting. "Did Albus send you?"

Why the defensive questions? Why was the door still closed? Once upon a time, they had been closer. Then Sirius' death - and Remus' reaction - had shattered that truce. He knew the reasons why.

"_This is your fault…"_

"_My fault? I tried to warn him!"_

"_You did this…you did this deliberately…"_

He had been angry. He had been heartbroken - Sirius was a very piece of him - stolen - through the Veil - but he should never have taken it out on Severus. Severus who had, at the time, been nursing injuries sustained from a torture session with the Dark Lord and had been in no fit state to argue back. Remus had apologised, of course, but the damage was done. Now he hoped to repair it. "He asked me to come, yes, but I don't know why…"

"You can tell him I don't want to see you." Severus' voice sounded different. Almost distant. As if he was tired and worn. Almost defeated. Where then was the sarcastic bastard who had once shared several nights of good conversation with Remus? He tried again. "Severus. He would not have written to me if he was not worried about you - and I have come all this way - and you should let me in, like the good host."

He hardly heard the soft footsteps before the door clicked open, and he was greeted with the figure of Severus. Instantly, his concern increased tenfold - "Severus!"

Hogwarts' resident Potions' Master looked away and retreated further into his room, almost cowering in the shadows cast by the flickering candlelights. But Remus could still see. He stepped inside, closed the door, and leaned against the wood. "What is happening?"

Severus had always been thin - but his robes seemed to hang from him and he had no shape. His eyes were shadowed, his face pale, as if he had not eaten or slept for weeks. Remus could see his hands shaking and his eyes cast down to the carpet. He moved faster than he had thought he could, "Sit down, before you fall down." He swept toward Severus and gripped his arm, feeling Severus flinch, before helping him into his armchair. "Are you cold?" He could feel the other shivering, his breathing sharp and uneven, and for a bizarre moment Remus thought he was injured and in fever. He pressed the back of his hand to Severus' cheek, not sure whether to be more alarmed by the very chill under that skin or the face Severus did not react, nor pull away, not push him off. He just sat. "Severus…" Now he knew the reason for Albus summoning him. He was the only one who could get through to Severus - always had been - whether it was a violent reaction or indeed the very opposite. He pulled the other armchair close and looked into Severus' eyes. "Talk to me."

Severus glanced up at him. Remus had never seen such resignation in his dark brown eyes. He had seen them alive with other things - passion or concentration and more recently hatred - but never such a lack of hope. As if Severus could not even bear to hide it. As if he was too weak to Occlude his emotions from those who could see. It was this sheer passiveness, this very lack of care, that made Remus reach over and take his hand. "You are frightening me. Can you not tell me what the matter is?" Severus' fingers were shaking beneath his, icy, the knuckles clenched. He looked down at the hand and removed his fingers, frowning. He had seen such scarring before - his head shot up - "Severus. Who did you make the Unbreakable Vow with?" It could not be the Dark Lord - surely not -

A rough whisper. "Narcissa Malfoy."

He had not been expecting that. He frowned, "Why?"

"To help Draco."

That made more sense. Severus was fond of his godson and even more so of his father - that had been the subject of much consternation between them - but still… "Help Draco to do what?"

Severus physically winced and drew his hand away, shaking his head. Remus felt a sudden stab of fear, seeing the crumpling of Severus' expression, knowing it had to be something serious. "Severus…help Draco to do what?" He knew Severus could not tell him, he could see and feel that, but he could also see Severus falling apart and he could feel the other's anger and hatred and heartbreak - and he realised.

He guessed.

"It's Albus, isn't it?"

His simple sentence - no more a question than it was a statement - broke Severus. In a rare display of emotion, Severus buried his head in his hands and Remus heard him sob. Stunned by this - Severus never cried - had never shed a tear for anyone in Remus' presence - he did not know quite how to react. He rested his palm on Severus' knee, careful not to push him too far or too fast - leaning forward. "What do you want me to do?" Remus' main tactic - if in trouble, ask the other person what to do next - Severus had always asked him to be more spontaneous, to be more pushy, but he could not do that here. Severus did not do emotion. He did not show emotion. He needed that - to show emotions was a weakness - and here he was, crumpling into a heap at Remus' proverbial feet and the werewolf could think of no way to help him.

So it was Albus. Albus, the main reason Severus was still alive and not in Azkaban. Although Severus scorned the Order of the Phoenix and its many members, he had always treated Albus with a huge amount of respect - and yes, affection too. Never demonstrative in his alliances, Severus would defend Albus until the bitter end in arguments - and the two were constantly seen together. Remus knew how much Albus loved Severus - had seen it, had heard Albus talk about him - and now, for Severus to be involved in his potential capture -

"Not capture." Severus lifted his head. "Murder."

"He wants to assassinate Dumbledore?" Remus did not think to soften his tone - but at least it drew more of a reaction from Severus, his very urgency. The other took a shaky breath and nodded. "By the end of the year."

"And you have to help?" Remus surmised, "You have to help Draco carry it out?"

Severus stared at him, and shook his head. Remus did not quite understand. "Sev?" He had resorted to Severus' nickname, a sign of a relationship he thought long since dead, but seeing Severus like this - so very vulnerable - in such desperate need of affection and a little support - it was awakening those old feelings - "What do you mean, no?"

Severus could not answer. Remus, almost unaware of the fact he was holding Severus' hand again, the fingers tight, moved closer. "Severus, please." He stroked Severus' hand encouragingly, and the other finally answered. "Albus wants me to do it for him."

White hot anger shot through Remus. He was not sure he could feel emotions of such a strength. "He wants you to kill him?" He could not believe this - that was cruel. And now he understood completely. He understood Severus' very condition and state. Albus had asked the other to kill his mentor and father figure. He knew Albus well enough to know it had most likely been done with very little care for Severus - that was the only way Albus would have been able to ask - but this was why they were arguing, this was why they were not talking, this was why Albus was begging Remus to visit Severus - not because he was afraid of Severus doing something stupid, but because he was afraid that Severus would not be around to carry out the deed.

Unfortunately, his pause was interpreted differently by Severus. He stood, pushing Remus away with more than a little force. "Yes, I see - repulsive, aren't I? I said yes. I agreed to do what he asks, as I have done my whole life - and I will be a cold blooded murderer." He was trembling visibly - Remus was quick to correct - "No, Severus, I didn't - I was angry at him - I didn't mean -"

"No, no." Severus' tone was too loud and a little too calm. Remus watched him from his position on the floor, not willing to approach him. "I am a Death-Eater after all - this is just what I do, isn't it? The fact that I love the stupid, foolish old man does not come into this situation at all." He shook his head, and Remus did not think this was the best time to point out it was the first time Severus had admitted the depth of his feelings for Albus - "No. I will kill him. I will kill him, because that is all I am worth. Killing."

Remus pushed himself back to his feet, holding out a hand in front of him, "Severus. Listen to me a moment. You are not a Death-Eater…"

"I beg to differ, Lupin - you've seen what is burnt into my arm -"

"Sev!" They had had this discussion, too many times. "There is such a thing as appearances - we have talked about this - you are no Death-Eater - why did you not just say no to him?"

This seemed to stop Severus in his tracks. He stared at Remus. Remus didn't want to break that gaze. And finally he breathed, "When have I ever been able to say no to Albus?" He sank back against the wall, slumping down into a sitting position, legs drawn up to his chest. "Rem…"

Remus crossed to him and sat beside him, crossing his legs. "I'm so sorry, Severus - what will happen to you?"

Severus shrugged, "I don't know. I'll be a murderer. He wants me to guarantee his position in the Dark Lord's circle. Before the end of the war. He sees it as soon." There were unspoken sentences there. Remus shuffled slightly closer, so their shoulders were touching, "But why does it have to come at your expense? As always?"

Severus nodded once, "Does that make me selfish? I thought with the spying and the lying - that would be enough - but I've never killed anyone before - how can I do it to him? I won't be able to, Remus. I won't be able to do it." His voice shook. "All because I am his most trusted."

Remus could not stop the anger. He couldn't hold onto it. Whose right was it to reduce Severus to this? It took a lot - Remus knew that - and the fact it was Albus, the only person Severus had chosen to trust…he tentatively put his arm around Severus' shoulders, wanting to comfort him. Severus' stiff muscles suggested he did not welcome the gesture - but neither did he push Remus away. After all, they had seen each other in worse states. Remus exhaled, looking at him, "Why did you say yes to Narcissa?"

"Because I had already said yes to Albus. He wanted me to have an _excuse_."

Remus was sure, somewhere, Albus was doing this to protect Severus - to make sure he survived the war - but his red haze suggested it was just spiteful. It was using Severus - as a weapon - as a person who had once fallen and was now unable to find his wings. Not as someone who needed his help. He tightened his grip around Severus' shoulders and brushed his fingers against his upper arm. "You'll find a way through. You always do."

"…Not without him." Severus murmured. "Not by myself."

Remus could almost taste the fear. He tilted Severus' face to his and looked him directly in the eyes, "You are not on your own."

"I will be. Once I have done it. I cannot tell anyone." Severus didn't seem to take into account the fact he had just told Remus. Then again - "You have never just been 'anyone', Remus." Severus half smiled. "But you will not be able to help me. You will not be able to protect me. You will need to hate me, like everyone else." He shook his head, "Like you probably already do."

"I never said I hated you." Remus hesitated, "Well, I didn't mean it. You know that, though. I could never hate you, Sev. But enough of the past. It doesn't matter. I will find a way to look after you. I always do, don't I?" He stroked Severus' hair. "You are supposed to say yes."

Severus didn't answer. Remus glanced at him and could see tears clinging to his long eyelashes. "You could always let them fall. They will make you feel better. I promise you, they will." He pulled the other into a hug and wouldn't let go, even when Severus initially struggled and then surrendered - and Remus felt his hand clench his robes and the loss of that final hold.

He hated the sound of Severus crying, he thought, but he knew it was better than holding the emotions in. He just wanted to cling to him - to let Severus know he was there - and when the storm had passed and Severus had subdued, he was finding a handkerchief in his pocket to hand to him. "Here. You look a state." But not as bad as you did before - he left unsaid - as he saw something other than hopelessness in his eyes. There was almost gratitude. Severus wiped his nose on the handkerchief and dried his eyes - before sarcastically offering it back to him. Remus held up a hand. "Keep it as a souvenir of you and I." The words carried more meaning than he initially intended. He wanted to touch Severus again, but refrained. If there was anything left in their relationship, they would be able to restore it at another time. He did not want to pressure the other. "Severus - I will never abandon you - even if you had not told me, I think I would have known. In fact…I know I would have known. Trust me. I know you better than that."

Severus nodded, looking away, almost flattered by the words. He reached out and brushed his fingers across the back of Remus' knuckles. "…Thank you…"

Remus twisted his hand and interlinked their fingers for a moment. "No problem."

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><p>Two days later, he found his handkerchief on his pillow, cleaned and neatly folded. There was no letter, no identification. It was just there. Remus tucked it into his nightshirt, but didn't sleep that night.<p>

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><p>Harry stared at him, not sure why Remus was saying such a thing. What did he mean, you could trust Snape? Snape was clearly up to something with Malfoy - and Harry was scared for Professor Dumbledore.<p>

But Remus had snapped at him, rather angrily.

"Dumbledore trusts Snape, therefore, I do."

And Remus was aware of the fact he had hurt Harry, but as he stormed from the room with Tonks following him, he could not remove the image of Severus - beaten and weak - collapsed in his chair, unable to even consider continuing to fight without Albus.

"_Therefore, I do."_


End file.
